Online Dating: A Drunken Story of Desperation and Hilarity

Justin Bieber Celebrity Siting

Once upon a time, a short little blonde girl drank a few margaritas while out to dinner with her gal pals. “WHY DON’T WE HAVE BOYFRIENDS??!?!” the blonde girl and her brown-haired friends said. “We’re just too pretty, smart and cool,” they all agreed (duh).

When dinner came to a close and the little blonde girl got home, she laid in bed with her cat to her left and her (battery operated) hookup buddy Bradley to her right. Full of cheap margaritas and wild ambitions, the little blonde girl decided to create a magnificent profile on a bottom tier dating site. She uploaded super hot pics and wrote a clever and witty description, describing how she likes yoga and hates mirror pictures and the phrase “lol.” She topped it off with the headline “suga suga how’d you get so fly.”

“But if she’s so pretty, smart and cool, why did she decide to make a profile for online dating? Is she desperate? What’s the deal,” you ask yourself. No no, don’t be dramatic. She was in a foggy margarita-induced dreamworld.

And that dreamworld yielded some hilarious results…

The (Supposed) Rules of Online Dating for Doodz

Identities hidden to protect the guilty… and because I felt bad.

1. Always include at least one mirror pic. Bitchz love that shit.

Creeper 5Ummm…

Creeper 6Oh cool you have abs, we should date

Creeper 7Either you’re a thug or you want world peace, and gosh darn it I like both!

Creeper 8Woah what a nice large neck

2. If a lady doesn’t reply, try and try again. Chase your dreams bro!

Creeper 1Wait, you’re telling me you ride a motorcycle, you’re a DJ… AND you’re not boring?! Maybe I should reconsider…

Creeper 10

So… you want to hold my hand or…

3. Confidence is key. Be up front with the ladiez and make your presence known.

Creeper 3Simple, classy and to the point

Creeper 9

I… I just can’t (also yes I make people send me their pic… I’m sorry)

Creeper 11

When all else fails, just sit in Starbucks and wait for the ladiez to come to you!

To be fair, these guys deserve a ton of credit for having the balls to display their shirtless bodies, ask random girls to marry them and sit in a Starbucks in search of love.

But for this little blonde girl, love (or ‘like’… or anything) is not going to be found on one of these cheapo random dating sites. however…

Featured photo courtesy of Huffington Post.

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